What dreams may come.

When I was little, I used to have a recurring "daymare". In it, I would be sliding down the bannister of a grand staircase. It was amazingly long and I would fly down it often. But suddenly, the bannister would turn into a knife edge razor. It wouldn't cut me in half, per se, but it would torment me as I slid down. You'd think I could have avoided this torment by not thinking about it. But you'd be wrong. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it and obsessing about it. Sometimes I would have the first part of the dream without the second. Other times I'd have the whole thing. It didn't seem like there was a pattern to what happened when.

In my adult life I have similar things happen. When something negative happens to me, I obsess about it. I go over in my mind all of the negative outcomes. Everything that can go bad, does. Even when there are good aspects, the bad and negative outweigh them. I feel like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy, where he's getting discouraged at not being able to sell brake pads to anyone because he sabotages his ability to do so.

If you haven't seen the movie, you should. It was Chris Farley at his best. But here's the relevent dialogue. The setting is in a truck stop restaurant where Tommy and Richard (played by David Spade) are trying to get something to eat but are being put off by Helen, the waitress:

Tommy: Hey, What's your name?
Waitress: Helen.
Tommy: That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, were both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a sales man. Let's say I go into some guys office and let's say hes even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited I'm like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. The pet is my possible sale. Oh , my pretty little pet, I love you. So I stoke it, and I pet it, and I massage it, hehe I love it, I love my little naughty pet, your naughty. Then I take my naughty pet and I go ( makes ripping noises as he tears apart the roll) Uuuuuuh. I killed it. I killed my sale. That's when I blow it. That's when people like us gotta forge ahead Helen, am I right?
Helen: God you're sick."

Yeah... that's me. Jojo the idiot circus boy.