American traveller

This is a pretty cool site... allows you to enter the states you've visited and it generates a map of them:

create your own visited states map
I plucked it from Eric's blog, over on LJ.

My criteria for "visiting" a state is, 1) Sleep in it. 2) Drive the long axis of it. I've never stayed overnight in Georgia but I've driven the long length of it four times on my way to and from two visits to Florida. Likewise Nebraska. I haven't spent much time in Iowa, except to drive the width and stay in Des Moines overnight. But these all qualify.

Setting aside those rules, add Arkansas, Mississippi, West Virginia (driven through part of and no overnights) and New York (for the 1981 International Band Festival but we stayed in Niagara Falls, Canada) for all of the states I've set a physical foot in.

No new states immediately on the horizon; though if Jen decides to go to grad school in California (San Diego) :( , I'll be the one driving the van there and back. So much for my vow to never go to southern California. I'm considering a four day weekend at some point, to go to the U.P. so I might zip into Minnesota for a little recon which may or may not end up counting, depending on what we find there.

Forgot this book

I'd forgotten that I had started reading The Victors, also by Dr. Ambrose. It's the story of Eisenhower and the Allied commanders during WW II.

I wanna be like him....

John Walker was one of the founders of AutoDesk, makers of the industry-standard AutoCad program. He's retired now, having made a boatload of money, and spends his time living leisurely. He has a most excellent web space set up and it's unusual in that it's more infomative than flashy. You can see the home page here.

He's got just boatloads of cool content there. He's really into astronomy and put together an amazing guide on weight loss. He also has a reading list here. The purpose of this post is to focus on this section.

This man reads a lot. I went through his list and added six or seven books to my Amazon Wish List. (Feel free to buy me something from it. :) If you do, and you go there from John's reading list, he'll get a little bonus money. Spread the wealth if you can.

Anyway I thought this would be a good place to list books that I'm reading. I certainly won't have the quantity of John's list; he has seven listed for January and it isn't even the end of the month! I likely won't have the quality, either, since I still have childish and purulent interests aside from my intellectual and scholarly ones. Daddy always said to keep your interests broad! :)

I just checked out Stephen Ambrose's Nothing Like it in the World from the library. I'm a huge Ambrose fan and definately looking forward to reading it. It's the story of the building of the transcontinental railroad as told in Ambrose fashion.

On a roll

Sometimes its hard to ponder life without trying to get all deeply philosophical and self-analytical.

I come from a very small family. That's one of the drawbacks to having parents who are older from the start. When I was born, mom was nearly 40 and dad was nearly 50. All of my grandparents were born in the ninteenth century. My mom was an only child and my dad had one brother. In a time where many children was the norm, I end up in a family who are the poster children for the Negative Population Growth society. My parents produced three children: me, Jim, and Sue. Jim died in 1986 without any kids. I'm 38 and still kidless (of my own; I still consider Michael my son even though Jeanelle and I are divorced). Sue has kept the genetic fires burning with Mitchell and McKenzie.

From my earliest memories, I was told how it was up to me to keep the Topping name alive. My dad's brother only had a daughter and my great uncle Arthur never had any children of his own. There was a chance that my brother would get married and have kids but because of his medical problems it was unlikely. That left me as the "man". The carrier of The Name. No pressure, either, right? Right.

Anyway, so I start out in life with little doubt that I'd have kids eventually. I was a slow starter in the marriage biz but I was still in my early thirties and my wife was still in her early thirties and she had a son from a previous marriage, so it shouldn't be a problem, right? Right.

Suddenly I find myself in a position I didn't plan on: Being in my late thirties and kidless and wifeless. So now I think about the possibility of not having kids. And it gnaws at me. Continually. I WANT kids. I WANT to be a dad. It isn't even about carrying on the name, though that's a nice bonus as I'm very proud of who I am and of my history. But I don't have kids and I don't know if I will. I'm not getting any younger and I don't find many 25 year old women wanting to throw themselves at a man who's closer to middle age than to college age.

I've had two offers, one quite serious, from friends who are willing to be a surrogate mom for me to help me be a dad. Obviously it's a possibility but I would first very much love to try to have kids (and a family) in the more traditional way.

Lest ye think this is one of those angst-ridden "oh, woe is me" posts, it isn't. It's just that I'm suddenly wondering what I'll do if I don't get to do the thing I've been planning on doing for most of my life. There's also a certain loneliness factor there, too, like just totally ending up alone but I don't really think that'll happen. I have too many friends.

Man, that muse returned with a vengeance!!

A new day, less blankness

It's a couple days later now. My inspirational cup isn't exactly running over with noteworthy thought but it isn't bleak and desolate for now. Maybe my muse finally tired of Mai Tais and Yahtzee and is back at work, albeit hung over.

One thing that's kind of worrying me about going back to school is the actual school part of it. I've taken a couple of classes here and there since my days of Master's work at EMU but they were fluff classes without much depth. I'll have to actually produce thoughtful insight on a regular basis and that kind of worries me. I mean, I can spew drivel all day with the best of 'em but to be meaningful requires actual thought and actual effort.

The application to MSU requires a writing sample and I've been trying to figure out what the best form of writing would be. Poetry is right out. I don't think a fictional piece would be well-received either, unless it had something to do with popular culture. That pretty much leaves standard non-fiction research. They're also vague (read: nonexistant) with guidelines for length of said research. In fact, this is the extent of their instruction about this particular task:

One writing sample is required from each applicant. This sample should document your writing and thinking skills, but it does not necessarily have to be an "academic" paper.

Not much there. I have time to figure it out, though. I know the Ph.D. will be worth it but there's a lot of hassle. I mean, expecting me to think!!!

I wonder if I could get away with a blank paper with the single phrase, Cogito ergo Sum, on it. I mean, it shows I think and that I can be succinct with my writing and still get the point across. The drawback is that it also shows I plagarize. They might be a little chuffy about that part.

The curse of a blogger

Didja ever have one of those days where you wanted to write, where you felt like you needed to write, but when you sit down to do just that, nothing comes out?

My mind is a painting right now: "Polar Bear in a Blizzard". It's just that blank.

Blanker than normal. Sometimes at least it has pretty colors and random pictures. Not today. Just pure white.

Bleah.

The muse who was upon me to write has kicked me in the ass, laughing, while she goes off to the bar for Mai Tais and Yahtzee.

Maybe later, then.

Swiped from a random site....

'Cause I thought it was cool.


Compassion: You are there to share your sympathy
with others. People would consider you
affectionate and caring, and someone to look up
to.

So much for keeping it local....

I have a routine. When I get in my car after work, I switch the radio over to 1600 from its normal spot at WWJ-950. The afternoon drive guy there, Ken Kelly, is pretty funny with a dry and sarcastic wit. He also weaves in some amusing bits of trivia and wry insight on life in general. In other words, he's a lot like me. I've talked to him three or four times, too, when I've called in and he seems like a pretty good guy on top of it.

On Monday, I tuned in as is my habit, only to find some wacky talk radio show on. It was curious, since usually when Ken is off they put in a swing/big-band music show. I thought it was odd that they would put in a talk radio show instead. So, because I'm a curious sort, I called the station and asked if Ken was off sick today. I was informed that he no longer worked for the station and they would be replacing his show. I was so surprised by this that I was only able to stammer out that I was very unhappy with this and I hope they were keeping track of the callers. The girl who answered the phone said they were indeed and I was, by no means, the only upset caller.

So I ran across this article today as well as this one which explain what happened. In the latter article, Catherine Kalman, the former general manager of the station who was fired at the same time, said she "hoped the station would retain a community focus". Since the station is now owned by a Dallas, Texas based broadcast company I don't have much hope for that. It sounds like Catherine feels the same way. WAAM was Ann Arbor's last widely listened to and independently-owned radio station. Three others, WWWW (formerly WIQB) 102.9, WQKL 107.1, and WTKA 1050, are owned by mega-corporation ClearChannel. ClearChannel is continuously (and for the most part rightly, IMHO) being criticized for supressing programming that is original and innovative and dictating strictly what gets played and what doesn't.. That's not very condusive to being independent and giving a lot of freedom to your personalities.

I liked WAAM because of thier independence. Whitehall Broadcasting was an Ann Arbor company. To the best of my knowledge, they only owned WAAM (since 1983) and the personalities there had tremendous loyalty to the company and the owners. Ken was there for 15 years and Ted Heusel has been on Ann Arbor radio for 53 years. He had only a one-hour show, from 11am to noon but it was still interesting. Ted hasn't been fired, really, but he's been offered a one hour show on Saturdays which seems kind of a slap in the face.

I'm trying to find an email address for Ken to let him know how much I enjoyed his show and how outraged I am at his being let go. WAAM may be trying to change their format but I won't know about it. I no longer listen to them. If they hire Ken back, I'll listen again.

There I go, thinking again.

I thought that all of the Mid-American Conference schools had reciprocity agreements about tuition. Or at least the Michigan and Ohio schools did. Eastern does; if you're an Ohioan, you pay Michigan resident rates to go to EMU.

Well that's cool, thinks I. I can go to Bowling Green and enroll in their Popular Culture program which is nationally known and highly respected. But boy -- was I wrong. Turns out it isn't every MAC school, just the ones who want to do it. And BGSU doesn't, apparently. So the per credit hour cost of $776 for graduate credits translates to nearly more than $4700 per semester. Nearly $10,000 per year. I just ain't a-gonna pay that kind of coin. I can't afford it right now.

But there is hope yet. Michigan State University has a very good program in American cultural studies. I didn't really delve deeply into it since I thought, "Hey, Big Ten school, Big Ten prices!" but I was a little mistaken there. Big Ten school, not-so-bad prices. I can go there for a much lower cost than BGSU. The basic cost per credit hour is only $291. According to their nifty budget calculator, I can take 6 credits at MSU for only $2,150. Much more in-line with my financial ability.

And, hey, a Big Ten school in my home state with my alma mater's colors. Synergy. I can deal with it. Now to do some research on the application process. GRE, here I come.

Can't be too serious and heavy....

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

Christopher Lowell Epilogue

I got a response from the people who do Christopher's show. I'd posted a message on his forums asking for the epilogue to the show and I got it this morning in an email:

Responding to life's changes is never easy. We have this idea about how we
want our lives to go -- as if we really have control of what's coming down
the pike. We tend to look at sudden change as setbacks because it wasn't
what we had in mind. We want change as long as everything remains the same.
We complain that we're not getting where we want to go, but have no
intention of leaving where we are.

And yet our very purpose here is to grow and effect change. Life hands us
opportunity every day to make a difference. When we dismiss those
opportunities - usually because of fear of the unknown - we feel hollow.
That empty feeling turns to anger and before we know it, it's everybody
else's fault that we're not moving forward, having the life we think we
deserve.

Life can be so rewarding but let's not confuse "reward" with "comfort".
Change is often uncomfortable but necessary to helping us re-prioritize,
re-commit and redefine who we've been to leave room for the extraordinary
life we thought we'd never get. Make change! You can do it!

That's pretty damn inspiring. And true, to boot.

One wonders what lies ahead

It's the new year and I remain vaguely disconcerted. I'm not entirely sure what I want out of life but I grow more confident each day that passes that it isn't to be a systems administrator forever. I mean, I like what I do for the most part but I don't like that there isn't a reward to what I do in the end. Usually, it's a case of, "Thanks for fixing that problem for me. Here's another one while you're here". If there's no computers going wonky, I'm invisible. If there are, I'm on the hot seat. It is neither rewarding nor satisfying.

Heather continues to provide inspiration for me. She quit her job in early December in order to concentrate on getting her candle-making business (Heather's Illuminables) off the ground. She didn't have any alternate employment lined up, yet she did it anyway. Now she's working as a receptionist at a church only a ten minute drive away (compared to an hour plus drive at her previous job) and has time to concentrate on that which is important to her. The difference between she and I in this case that prevents me from following him her path is that she has no outstanding bills (car payment, student loans, etc.) whereas I do.

While I don't necessarily want to enter the exciting world of candle-making and selling, I want to do something creative. I want to work with my mind. I keep on talking about getting a Ph.D. and then doing nothing about it. I can do it. I can get the degree. But am I motivated enough about it? There are days where I am and days where I'm not. Today, clearly, is a day where I am. I just have to make sure that the days I am motivated are greatly outnumbering the days where I'm not.

Taking a look at the current and past UM job postings gives me further impetus to pursue this. There are positions that I can fill at all three campuses. I don't mind a long drive if it's to a job I like. But even a walk across the street can be torture to get to a job I don't like. There are at least thirteen institutions of higher learning, both at the four-year and community college level, within an hour's drive of me where I can teach and do research.

I guess what it boils down to is making decisions. Preparing for change. The signs have been there for a while but I have to let myself see them.

I've been reading a lot of Stephen E. Ambrose's work recently. Today, while reading The Victors I came across the follow quote that's kind of sticking with me:

[Talking about his sophomore year at college] Also that year, I took a course entitled "Representative Americans" taught by Professor William B. Hesseltine. In his first lecture he announced that in this course we would not be writing term papers that summarized the conclusions of three or four books; instead, we would be doing original research on nineteenth-century Wisconsin politicians, professional and business leaders, for the purpose of putting together a dictionary of Wisconsin biography that would be deposited in the state historical society. We would, Hesseltine told us, be contributing to the world's knowledge.

The words caught me up. I had never imagined I could do such a thing as contribute to the world's knowledge. Forty five years later, the phrase continues to resonate with me. It changed my life. At the conclusion of the lecture -- on George Washington -- I went up to him and asked how I could do what he did for a living. He laughed and said to stick around, he would show me. I went straight to the registrar's office and changed my major from premed to history. I have been at it ever since.

One of two signs that came flashing into my face today. The other was from, of all people, Christopher Lowell. He's the interior designer on The Discovery Channel. I hope to find the little epilogue he did for his show today.

This Ambrose quote embodies the kind of excitement I want to have about my job. Where I can contribute to the world's knowledge.

The New Year.

Luck, happiness, etc.

I'm sick.

Bleah.